I’m a loner. I never spread myself too thin, across others, across interests. Music has been central to my life, my achievements, and my goals. And in moments when I’m in distress, music makes me question my religion, lifting me up and dropping me off in a better place.
The people I’ve met, the places I’ve been, are all thanks to music. I clearly remember sitting in my freshman year history class (HS) and we all went around to read from the textbook. One student would choose to pass it on to the next, but no one ever passed it to me. I suddenly realized that for all the times I left that class early to go into the city for a concert, I hadn’t made any class-friends. That is, I hadn’t made any friends in class. My mind was on the music, and the years rolled by, concert to concert, on a filmstrip in my memory.
Me at 16, at a show at Six Flags, Great Adventure. R5 is on stage.
But I wasn’t alone. Not only did I have the music to wrap around like a blanket, keeping me alive, but I had the people, and the faces at every show. To me, those people were instantly aligned with my soul. Whether it was a “hello” on a line out the door, or a push in a crowd, I was at home with a branch of family I’d see more than my cousins.
Throughout high school, I met people from Boston, Ft. Lauderdale, New York, Philly, and more. That was only the beginning of a venture that would become my world, and I’ll never look back.
Wherever I go, music follows…
In college, I came in as a nutrition student. I did it all, chemistry, biology, nutrition club, etc. Whatever I’m doing, I’m all in. But I fell out of love with nutrition and I needed a new life path. Being in that position, is one of the hardest things I’ve ever faced. Where do you go when you’ve lost all direction and no longer depend on others to make decisions for you? Home.
Home was no longer a house, but a feeling. I knew very well where that feeling laid. In a crowd, with my hands in the air, and with an overwhelming, indescribable notion for the sound.
I turned back to music and gave it my all. I show it love every day in my earbuds, in my voice, actions, and movements. It’s oozing out of my mind and into my bloodstream, and it instantly changes the way I feel about a situation.
I don’t doubt that I’ve reconnected with friends from previous lives, at shows. I look to these people who live in music and I know they see who I am in every aspect that I am. I no longer worry about the number of situational friends I obtain, but the number of deep connections (friends, lovers, acquaintances) that I hold on the shelf in my heart.
When I feel blue, and I resort to calling my parents, they offer me new music to listen to. My parents feel the music in that way, too. It’s medicine and it works wonders. I don’t need drugs to get high, or bungee jumping for a thrill. I need a working speaker and a few CDs to get by on a rough day.
There was one quote I read in high school, when I was going through a lot of ups and downs, depression, etc. That was :
The people who I’ve met at concerts, are by far the greatest, kindest, most genuine people I’ve ever met. I love each and every one dearly because they were a part of it. A part of my life where I could be everything, feel everything I needed to, to continue on. To be a part of the music, together, is unmatchable. It’s an invisible zap that connects all of the concert-goers and tugs on their heartstrings, just the right amount.